from now on my penis is your penis
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just had sex on a roof
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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