What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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