she woke up with a sticky ear
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
