are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
