ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
