I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
