Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
