I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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