I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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