I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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