Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
