i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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