it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
