he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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