summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
