Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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