I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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