Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
