So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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