Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
