C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
