and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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