I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
