I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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