My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
