I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
