So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
