4 words: hood of his car
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
