My liver just broke up with me...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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