I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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