nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
