Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize