Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sarcasm needs its own font
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
