Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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