i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
