he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
