just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
