WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
