you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
