dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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