Screwed.edu
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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