a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
