Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
