So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
