a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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