The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
