The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize