that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
