remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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