dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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