She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
