This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
