there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
