VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She said her name was "party"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
