she was so not down for the gang bang
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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