I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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