you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
