i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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