i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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