Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize