plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
