Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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