I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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