How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
