nut hugger
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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