Don't you send me to vm
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
