Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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