oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So much rum. So many feels.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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