The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
