I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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