He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your penis caused this!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize