The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
