good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
