I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
