xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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