We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
