I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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