btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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